Money First, Fitness Second

Ok, I admit it. I have extra weight like so many of us. Unlike so many of us, I'm not bothered about it, but my heart is. I've got high blood pressure and above-normal cholesterol levels. For this reason, I'm trying my best to regulate my diet [despite of what you may read on this page] and am trying to find an adequate fitness programme.

In Sydney, probably the biggest in the market are the Fitness First. In their own words - In fourteen short years, Fitness First has grown from a single club to a business that straddles 15 countries, has over 500 gyms and 1.2 million members.

Apparently it's a very successful UK based business [I cannot overstress the word 'business'], which expanded to colonies.

You cannot help but to notice FF marketeers when walking through Sydney. They are well-fit, obviously, wearing black, and are halting you in the street offering you 'free' trials. The thing is, they wouldn't give you 'free' trial pass unless you fill it in with your name, address and phone number. I call this fishing.

So, anyway, being lazy as I am, I went to their website to see how much they charge for membership. As I expected, the website is made in such confusing way that there are [at least] 4 membership programmes, none of which tells you how much it costs.

They do mention 'administration fee' of 70$ but all my attempts to find a monthly price for any of the membership types have failed.

I then referred to the manual, or FAQ as you would have it. This is where I was truly impressed by the sneakiness of somebody who cares so much about our health. Here is what it says about membership and payment:

"Do you have trial memberships?
Yes, a 1 week 'Starter Membership' can be purchased on line through this web site for $29.95 -"

Ok, so this is approximately how much it costs. Mind you, this is a trial kind of membership and the price doesn't have to be the same for ongoing membership.

Further on, they say:
"Are there any extra's to pay for, once I've become a member of Fitness First?

There are some additional costs. These are for optional facilities and services such as specialist workout classes, sun beds, and crèche facilities [where available]. As a member of Fitness First you will be able to take advantage of our many free benefits such as free DVD/Video hire and much more."

Oh, great, 'some' additional costs. So your membership doesn't give you full access as you may have thought.

On the other hand, you get to hire a free DVD and much more!

Then they proceed to say how the only way of paying is through Direct Debit, in other words, like it or not, visit or not, we're taking your money fortnightly without asking.

I'm pasting the next section in entirety, only because I like it so much!

"Cancelling membership

How do I cancel my membership after the minimum term has expired?

After the Minimum Term you must give us 4 weeks written notice (counted from the next direct debit date) preferably using the required form supplied by Fitness First and available at the club.

It is preferable that you make an appointment to see the Customer Care Manager (CCM) who will help you fill out the paperwork. If you can't make an appointment, you need to put your request to cancel your membership in writing to the CCM preferably at your home club (where you joined originally). You can do this via email, letter or fax and it's recommended you follow up with the CCM to ensure your notice of cancellation has been received by the club. Please note: we ask that you do not use the website enquiry form as your way to cancel as we do require a signature or equivalent to complete the transaction. In addition, if any of the network engines fail, the email cannot be traced. Thankyou.

Financial penalties may apply. For explanation of the Minimum Term, please refer to your contract."

Did you see that? A fucking written notice, four weeks in advance!!! And, this is counted from the next direct debit deduction.

Also, you need to make an appointment to see their councilor [CCM - Customer Council Manager], because there must be something seriously wrong with you if you want to cancel their membership. I am trying to picture this guy, and I bet he's intimidating! Also, although you can do this using email, don't use email, because 'network engines may fail' and when that happens, as we all know, cancellation emails tend to get lost!!! I wonder what network engines are supposed to be...

Financial penalties will apply!

"For explanation of the Minimum Term, please check your contract" Now, this is kind of difficult, since I DON'T HAVE ONE. In other words, you don't know how much it will cost you to cancel until you sign the contract. Nice!

Hell, it's easier for me [and most of us] to resign our job than to cancel their fucking membership.

Also, for somebody who likes it in writing, they have two spelling mistakes in this paragraph above.

But, don't despair! There are still two ways of getting out of the nightmare.

First one - get sick in such way that you cannot exercise any more. For this method, you will need a written proof from your doctor [seriously!].

Second one - move at least 30km away from the nearest FF shop. For this method, you will need a written proof from your real-estate agency [again, seriously!].

Check this:

"What qualifies as medical and relocation reasons?

You must provide documentary proof by a qualified medical practitioner that you are permanently sick or incapacitated from undertaking any exercise regime for a period of 12 months or the remaining terms of your membership (whichever is the longer).

For relocation, you must be moving to an area not within a 30km radius of a Fitness First club, as evidenced by a letter from a real estate agent or similar agent."

This is just to make sure you're not trying to skip your exercises! Nothing to do with making sure your money keeps flowing in.

After everything said, no wonder they are so successful when they have a similar opt-out to the mafia.

To be perfectly fair, they do have a cool-down period which they call 'Comfort Guarantee'. In short, you have one week after signing up to change your mind. In this case they will "refund your initial payment minus administration fee" - I'm just not clear what initial payment if they're charging you on two-weeks basis.

No wonder there are 1.2 million members. It' not worth canceling.

You can find their Australia website here - Fitne$$ Fir$t